Over
by nine miles to go
Summary: Elliot is so mad at JD that she's willing to punish him...no matter what the cost. JDA. By the by...JD GETS SHOT IN CHAPTER ONE. Thought that might interest some people :D
1. Over

Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs.

Okay, this ficlet is set from the third season finale. I figured, you know, why let Elliot get away with being mean to MY JD? So...alas...this song fic was born. Yes, it's a Lindsay Lohan song. It's catchy, alright? Plus, my first husband (Drew Fuller) is in the music video for "Over" (mind you, I fell in love with him on CHARMED, NOT canoodling with psychos like Lindsay Lohan). My other husbands are Zach Braff, Tom Welling, and Brandon Routh. Mmmmm yummy. Oh, and there's that Mormon kid from cross country that I'm also married to...I think I was high on Olive Garden pasta and parmesan cheese when that happened...mmm...cheeeeese...

Yeah, well, there's your little introduction thing. Now read the gosh darn fic.

* * *

**Over**

JD

"You and I are going to be okay…right?" I let the question hang in the air, holding my breath and waiting for the response. In the background there was a din of people talking, enjoying the party despite the fact that Turk and Carla never even married. Funny that my mind wasn't on that at all.

"What do you think?" Elliot responded tartly. Angrily.

"Probably not," I admitted quietly. But how could I tell her how I really felt? I did love her. I just…was scared. Over and over again, I'd gotten what it was I thought I wanted, then had it taken from me. I wasn't sure if I loved her or not, but now I knew. I did.

And with that came the knowledge that I would never win her back.

"Elliot!" I called after her as she walked away. _I love you. Come back. I didn't mean it…_

"Let me know when we are."

"Don't hold your breath," she snarled.

Ironically, it was in that moment that I released the giant gulp of air I'd been holding into a sigh of defeat. I watched her go. The party was quieting down—a drunken Kelso was muttering something incoherent a couple of feet away, and Ted and his band were singing that stupid "Good-bye" song from the Sound of Music. Damn, it was catchy!!

"Good-byyyyeeee…"

Elliot walked out of view. "Good-bye," I said with the last repeat of the word. Then I immediately thought about the Nazi boyfriend and tears came to my eyes. That poor girl…

I decided it was about time to leave. "Hey, Turk," I said, nudging my best friend. "Congrats."

He snorted. "Yeah. I single-handedly ruined my own wedding."

"I was talking about the wine…good choice, bro."

Turk rolled his eyes.

"Hey. You and Carla are meant to be together," I reminded him, looking over at her from across the room. "You'll find a way, I promise."

Turk nodded. "I know."

The question remained, though—could I ever find my way?

_I watch the walls around me crumble  
But it's not like I won't build them up again  
So here's your last chance for redemption  
So take it while it lasts cause it will end  
And my tears are turning into time  
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye_

A couple of weeks passed, and Elliot still wouldn't talk to me. There were several instances involving various (subtle) attacks of drugged needles, "accidental" trips, mixed-up patient charts (flu patients and painkillers don't mix, by the way), rabid squirrels, car stink-bombing, and once she even burned my scrubs in the woods behind the hospital while I was showering. Ah, awkward moments…

Needless to say, our relationship was a bit on the rocks. I hated that every time I tried to talk with her or reason with her on any level, she'd shut me down. She and Molly were best friends now, and I was the Evil Ex. I missed Elliot. Her quirks, her klutziness, her ability to pull through right when you need her—I missed everything about her. I just wanted to say, "Shut up, I love you!" really loudly, but Dr. Cox was nearby and that _did _sound like a cheesy movie line a potential abusive husband in a love/hate relationship would scream…god bless soap operas.

"Hey, EllIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!" Great, she tripped me again. I fell face first onto the wet floor. Ack! Ammonia! The janitor stood over me with a condescending shake of his head.

"Third time this week," he pointed out.

My eyes narrowed as I got up. I learned to ignore the slight tingly sensation of the chemical after many of these catastrophes. "You two are allies, aren't you?" I demanded.

He shrugged.

"You are," I muttered, "and you, over there!" I added, pointing to a random nurse. "And you!" A resident this time. "And all of you, over there!" A patient's family waiting outside the ER. "AND ESPECIALLY YOU!" I yelled when I saw Dr. Cox.

"Whoa there, Priscilla, are we PMS-ing again or is paranoia a side effect of your birth control pills?"

"Ha-ha," I deadpanned. Maybe I really was losing my mind.

_I can't live without you  
Can't breathe without you  
I'm dreaming about you, honestly  
Tell me that it's over  
'Cause if the world is spinning and I'm still living  
It won't be right if were not in it together  
Tell me that it's over  
_

I read the note a second time, a flutter of hope rushing through me.

_Meet me in Sherman Park at midnight. –Elliot_

Did this mean she was ready to be friends again? I wondered. But why such a weird time—in the park? Couldn't we just have coffee or something? Oh, what the hell did I care, she was talking to me! Besides, maybe in the dark at the park she wanted to…I nixed the idea of Playboy-clad Elliot in the bushes, it seemed too much like a horror movie to me.

I passed her by the nurses' station. "Does this mean—"

"Shhhh," she said secretively.

"Oh! Oh. I get it. Okay. Shhhh." I repeated as she walked away coolly without looking back. I felt like a dork again. Eh.

I hadn't seen her with Sean yet. Maybe this meant I still had a chance…I knew I wouldn't screw it up this time. I loved Elliot. They say that lover conquers all, right? But who the hell were "they," anyway?

_And I'll be the first to go  
Don't wanna be the last to know  
_

"Oh, Carlos, I don't know how I'll ever…how I'll ever survive without your…"

"Dr. Cox?"

He held up his warning finger. Oddly enough, his warning finger is the same as his middle one…

"..oh, God, Carlos, come back to me! I need you! Please!"

The commercial started. "Make it quick," Dr. Cox grunted.

"I-was-wondering-if-you-could-help-me-with-a-patient," I said as quickly as I could. Being with Dr. Cox for three years made me a fast talker. I was proud, and also difficult to communicate with to anyone outside of the hospital.

He grabbed the chart from my hands. "Well, who shifted Barbie's patient over to you?"

"Don't play dumb."

"What? You think _I _did this?" Dr. Cox said, feigning hurt. "Why, Angie, I never! I know that you two are having a difficult time, but maybe you could ask 'doctor' Molly for your best friend back and go paint nails and it'll be okay. You can do that on your own time, though, because the truth is, I don't give a crud about you lesbians. Now go ask Barbie and don't come back unless you're truly dense."

_I won't be the one to chase you  
But at the same time your the heart that I call home  
I'm always stuck with these emotions  
And the more I try to feel the less I'm whole  
My tears are turning into time  
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye_

"Elliot…I…uh…I need to ask you about this patient," I said, handing her the chart without making eye contact.

"Oh." She took it from me, examined it for a moment. Mumbled something about the woman needing a heart valve replacement, and then handed it back. At least that gave me some clue of what was going on; though it wasn't the right time to admit it, I couldn't read ANYTHING that Elliot had written on the chart, except the words "six milligrams," which looked a lot like "sex milligrams," if you asked my professional opinion.

"Elliot?" I asked before she left.

She avoided eye contact, too. I was glad I wasn't the only one uncomfortable with this situation. I wanted to hug her—aw, screw that, I wanted to make out with her—and tell her everything was okay, that she had me and she had had me since day one. I loved her. But how could I ever love her with so much doubt still existing? What the hell was I doing with my life?

"I'm, uh…I'm really glad that we're meeting up tonight. I think it's good for us to work things out, you know?"

She shrugged. "Yeah."

"I miss you," I added, feeling like an idiot.

"I'll see you, then," she said, hurriedly walking off.

_I can't live without you  
Can't breathe without you  
I'm dreaming about you, honestly  
Tell me that it's over  
'Cause if the world is spinning and I'm still living  
It won't be right if were not in it together  
Tell me that it's over_

It was thirty minutes past midnight, and five hours I was going to have a double-shift. I sighed. She obviously wasn't coming. No wonder she hardly said two words to me this morning—she was planning this all along. I deserved it, I knew. I had broken her heart. But this was my chance to show her that I wasn't that bad of a guy. That I really wanted to be there for her.

Why couldn't she _try_ to give me another chance?

I bit my lip, staring at the ground. I had a tulip in my hand. Elliot loved tulips. Shaking my head, I left it by the enormous tree in the center of the park and started to walk away.

Life sucked.

And two seconds later, as if to bite me in the butt for my previous thought, a shot rang out into the night.

I saw red when I hit the ground, the impact making sharp, violent colors burst in my eyes. I tried to breathe, but my ribcage was piercing in agony. Another shot. I cried out this time, anticipating the pain before it hit.

"Damn it, it's not him," someone swore, standing over me.

"Help," I croaked.

They were already gone.

_And I'll be the first to go  
Yeah, I'll be the first to go  
Don't wanna be the last to know_

"So…" I said, grinning. I held up Molly's pink, furry phone. "Should we call him? See how his midnight rendezvous is going in forty degree weather?"

Molly and I both giggled. We were both working, but in her office it seemed more like a sleepover than a shift. We were both on break at the time, so we weren't technically doing anything wrong by tormenting JD. If anything, I'm sure Dr. Cox would even encourage it.

Molly checked her watch. "Yeah, I think we've let him wait long enough. I just really want to know if he stuck around."

I nodded, grinning wider. It had taken a lot of persuasion to get Molly to go along with this, but in the end, every girl wanted revenge for the guy who broke her heart, even the goody-goodies. "Okey-dokey, JD," I said, "it's time to get a taste of your own medicine." I dialed his number.

He didn't pick up at first. "Huh," I said, dialing again.

"Elliot," JD gasped.

"Hi," I chirped. "Look, JD…"

"Help me."

I frowned. "What?"

"I…this guy…had a gun…please…"

"What are you…? Where are you, JD?"

"The park."

My heart stopped for a moment. "You've been shot. Oh my god, JD. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my—" I was near hyperventilating. The last words I heard from him before I lost the connection were said faintly: "I love you."

_Over... __Over... Over..._

"What happened?" Molly demanded, her face paling.

"JD's been shot!" I shrieked, jumping out of the chair. "We have to do something…call 911—anything—"

"Calm down, calm down," said Molly, although she was panicking as well. "I'm calling. They'll find him. He'll be fine, okay? He'll be fine…it'll all be—"

"HE'S BEEN SHOT, MOLLY! It's all my fault…if I hadn't…" I sobbed, realizing my cheeks were wet with tears. "I got JD killed…"

"He's not dead. Hello? I'm calling to report an emergency, I think my friend's been shot. Sherman Park. I don't know. Yes. A couple of minutes ago. Thank you…please hurry."

Breathe in. Breathe out. I heard the words "I think my friend's been shot" and thought of how I was supposed to be JD's friend. I remembered his words this morning, how he seemed truly relieved that we were making up. My heart sank. I felt awful. Evil.

I loved him. And now he was going to die.

"We have to go," I said hurriedly, grabbing my coat.

"What? It's dangerous! There's a gunman out there!"

I shook my head. "He'll be long gone by now," I said realistically. I swiped at my eyes. Black mascara stained my hands. We were already out in the hallway now, headed towards the parking lot—Molly wouldn't stop me now. Nobody would.

"I'm coming with you," she decided.

"Just where are you two Polly Pockets headed?" Dr. Cox demanded.

I turned around. I must have looked insane, because he recoiled. "JD's been shot down at the park. It's all my fault," I choked out.

"C'mon," Molly said, grabbing my arm and leading me away. Dr. Cox stood there, dumbfounded, and then followed us out.

_My tears are turning into time  
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye_

"He's been what? Newbie's been _what_?"

"HE WAS SHOT!" I shrieked. "BECAUSE I DECIDED TO PULL A FREAKING PRANK ON HIM! Oh, let's make JD go to the park at midnight and wait in the freezing cold! Give him some revenge, I thought, wouldn't it be nice?" My voice was so high-pitched that even I couldn't understand it. Dr. Cox responded with an expression of confusion and anger. "I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE JUST PULLED THE TRIGGER!" I finally yelped.

"Get in the car, dammit," Dr. Cox growled, practically shoving us in. I was almost grateful that he was there and driving, otherwise I'm sure I would have gotten us straight into a ditch. "What park?"

"Sherman," Molly said, nearly breathless with fear. My throat was tight. I didn't think I could say anything. The car sped into the dark, empty streets. My heart pounded louder than the shriek of tires. I knew I'd never forgive myself if something happened to JD—if he died…because he wasn't just a friend. I did love him, even if he didn't love me back. I could never bear to lose him, especially not because of my own doing…

The car veered to a stop. We were parked lopsidedly on the curb, but nobody was driving at this hour of the night. I got out of the car and shivered. It was freezing. How could I have done this to him? He didn't deserve to be shot!

"Where do you think he is?"

"The tree?" I took a wild guess.

The three of us ran towards it. I didn't see anything at first—it was Molly who found him, leaning against the thick trunk with his eyes closed. His skin was eerily pale. I couldn't tell whether or not he was still breathing.

"Johnny," said Molly, shaking him. "Johnny, c'mon…"

_I can't live without you  
Can't breathe without you  
I'm dreaming about you, honestly  
Tell me that it's over  
'Cause if the world is spinning and I'm still living  
It won't be right if we're not in it together  
Tell me that it's over  
Tell me that it's over  
Over  
_

JD grimaced and opened his eyes. "Ow," he muttered. Closer now, I could see the blood pooling from his shirt, staining the ground. I kneeled down next to him, touching his cheek. He was cold and sweating.

"I'm so sorry, JD," I said. "I'm so sorry…"

He opened his mouth to say something. I saw more blood dribbling down his chin.

"What in God's name is going on here?" Dr. Cox demanded, shining a light in JD's eye. "You, stay awake," he barked at him.

Molly explained this time, seeing as I was too far distressed to attempt communication. "We were pranking him," she said in a small voice. "We made him come out here to meet Elliot at midnight. We thought it'd be…funny."

"It wasn't funny, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I pleaded, but I wasn't sure what or who I was pleading to. "Just hold on."

JD grinned lopsidedly, his lips red from the blood. "Was funny," he gasped out.

I let out a sharp cry. "JD…"

Sirens were coming. Finally—what was taking them so long? Molly leapt up to find them and direct them to JD. I grabbed JD's hand. It was shaking, but so was mine.

Dr. Cox eyes were wet. "Elliot…" he said in a voice so low that I could barely hear him, "…he's not going to make it…"

_Honestly tell me  
Honestly tell me_

"No," Elliot wailed.

I tried to squeeze her hand, but I couldn't control it. Everything was numb, which was a hell of lot better than pain. I felt like someone had drugged every square inch of my body.

My eyes were drooping. That I could still feel. I tried to force them open again, just enough to see that I wasn't hallucinating. She was really here. If she was here, I knew I'd be fine…they were coming for me. The ambulance. I could hear it, and another wave of relief flooded over me.

I winced. I had to say something, it was nagging at me—just in case I didn't…No. I was going to live. But I needed to tell her now, not when I woke up from this.

"I'm sorry," I choked out.

She was sobbing into my hand. "No…no, no, don't be…"

I shook my head. The pain shot back up. I heard voices and rustling nearby; they were coming. I panicked. I knew I needed to say it fast.

"I love you," I whispered, hoping she could hear me. "I always will."

With that said, I let my eyes close. Everything was going to be fine.

"JD…I love you…" she sobbed. "NO! Wake up. WAKE UP!"

I heard Dr. Cox muttering something. But I couldn't wake up. Maybe tomorrow or the next day…but not right now. I was too tired.

_Don't tell me that it's over  
_

"No pulse," Dr. Cox yelled, snapping me out of my stupor.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was beating on JD's chest, trying to bring him back. "He can't die…" I wailed, "He can't!"

I don't remember now who it was who pulled me away from his dead body. Maybe Molly. I stared and Dr. Cox he stared back, our eyes locked with an identical, watery hollowness, connected for the first time in three years. I fell to my knees, pounding the ground in anger, and when I looked up again, Dr. Cox was gone, and so was the stretcher carrying JD's body.

"C'mon, if we hurry, we can try to meet him at the hospital," Molly urged me, trying to pull me back up.

I shook my head. "We can't," I bawled. "It's over."

_Don't tell me that it's over_

* * *

Okay, okay, so I killed JD again. SHUT YOUR FACES. Lol. And yes, I shot him again...but the only plots I can think of are getting shot/diseases/car accidents (as my more frequent readers know, I have abused the concept of the car accident over and over again). But LAST time he got shot, he LIVED. In your FACES. So technically it's not recycling the plot...heh...aw, whatever. Review. :D


	2. Without You

Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs or this song.

HAHA! I TRICKED ALL OF YOU. I didn't REALLY kill JD...lol...actually I did, but then I changed my mind! So READ!

* * *

Without You 

I gasped when I saw it, clinging to Molly's arm even harder. There, smashed into the ground, was a white tulip. I let Molly go and crawled towards it, wondering if it was my imagination. Then I realized it was streaked with red blood. No, it was really there. I held it up.

Molly cleared her throat. "One second," she muttered. I heard her retch in the bushes, but I didn't move towards there; I remained kneeling in the dirt, watching a bloody petal fall from the flower in my fingertips. My vision blurred again. He really wanted us to be okay, and I went and killed him.

"Someone has to call Turk," I said in an eerily calm manner. "He's got to know."

Molly put a shaking hand on my shoulder. "It wasn't your fault," she whispered.

I loved Molly because she always knew exactly what to say. Except it was too late for words now—JD was dead. I shook my head, but didn't say anything. I didn't want to give her trouble by countering her, no matter how true my counter would be.

I looked at my hands and saw that they, too, were stained red. I let out a small cry. I felt tainted, marked by my own cruelty. How could I bear to wash away the blood I had caused to spill? How could I ever cleanse myself of the consequence of my mistake?

I shut my eyes tight and wished more than anything that JD was here with me now, so he could tell me everything was okay and then tell a joke that wasn't funny and make me laugh. All that happened, though, was another onset of tears; I buried my face in my jacket and cried. Molly sat and cried with me—and we stayed that way for a long time.

The sun was starting to rise when Molly shook me. "Elliot," she said, sounding exhausted. She'd stayed with me all night. I felt a rush of gratitude towards her, knowing it was a favor I could never repay. "We've got to go home now."

I nodded, knowing the departure was long overdue. "Thank you," I said, carefully stepping up. Everything was tight and sore. I needed to sleep.

"I'm calling Turk," Molly announced. "We need to get a ride."

I braced myself. "Tell him the truth," I told her. "Tell him what happened, he deserves to know."

_Without you  
The sun won't rise  
The clouds stay hidden  
I drown in your eyes  
But not without you  
_

"Carla…hi," Molly began. "No, actually…could I speak with Turk?" She frowned. "You what? He's _alive_? Oh my God…"

I froze. "JD? Are you talking about JD?" I interrupted her, sounding eccentric. I pressed my ear into the phone, but Molly ignored me, her mouth gaping open.

"No, we were with him—we thought he was _dead_—oh my God, he…his heart stopped, we thought…where is he?"

"WHAT'S GOING ON?" I screamed.

"JD's alive!" Molly shrieked back, a frighteningly-wide smile forming on her face. A mixture of shock and disbelief hit me first. How could that be so? I was right there. I felt his lifeless hand in mine, felt his last heartbeats. I was so certain he was dead that it could only take a miracle to bring him back.

Then I remembered why I became a doctor. For miracles.

I threw my arms around Molly and we started jumping and crying and laughing, our hands and knees still bloody, our eyes red and tired. "He's alive, he's okay, he's okay," I chanted.

Molly stopped jumping. "No," she said somewhat guiltily, "he's not out of the woods yet. Carla says his condition is critical. They rushed him into surgery, of course, but…oh, I don't know the details…but he's alive, and that's what matters right now."

"Right," I agreed, my voice faltering. I felt myself slowing down, hitting reality's hard surface again with a thunk. "That's what matters right now."

"Let's go to the hospital," I said in a rush.

"Elliot…" Molly pointed somewhat guardedly towards my blood stained outfit. "Carla's going to pick us up, and we're going to shower. JD will still be there when you're finished."

I didn't point out that "critical" meant live or die. Actually, in all truth, I realized that I was afraid to see JD; I was afraid to own up to what I'd done. A shower sounded nice. I needed to get past this. The relief was as strong and unbearable as the pain, so intense the sensation that I felt I couldn't remember to breathe, let alone face the crime I'd practically committed.

_  
The sleepless nights  
The colorless leaves  
Falling from the hardened trees_

I stared blankly at the glass in front of me, emptied for the third time in the past hour. For some reason I was having trouble drinking the shots. All I wanted was for my mind to buzz and numb, forget everything I had seen…the blood trickling from the kid's dead lips…but I couldn't do it. I couldn't forget.

"Perry, it's three in the morning. We already _had _drunken sex, like, yesterday. I'm too tired tonight. Besides, aren't you working till six?"

Damn, the harpy was up. I would have groaned, but I didn't feel like moving. Somehow I felt as though if I didn't move, time would freeze. I wouldn't really be here, thinking about…thinking about two hours ago.

"Whoa…what's wrong?"

I looked up at Jordan. She had somehow crossed the room and gotten right in my face without my noticing, and touched my cheek. It was wet. I realized, to my dismay, that I had been crying. Maybe I really was drunk already.

"I…" The words were dry on my tongue. What was I supposed to say? "Newbie's dead" just didn't sound right unless it was a threat coming from my annoyance with him. Of all the people in the world who could die, it didn't make sense that it was him. He seemed immortal, like an everlasting fountain of irritation. I never had to worry about him leaving because he'd always show up the next morning, his normal, peppy, girly self.

Besides, Jordan wouldn't understand. She had no idea…oh, God, I'm getting so sentimental. Maybe Newbie did mean a lot to me. He didn't ditch me like all the other interns did, he didn't write me off for a jerk and then ignore me, even though I was clearly asking for it. He listened to what mattered, tried his best to learn, and he was good at it. At the same time he was unbelievably naïve, an oblivious idiot.

But he was _our _idiot.

I realized that he was the closest thing I'd ever had to a family other that Jordan and Jack. Before Jack was born, he was the closest thing I'd had to a son. Maybe it was alcohol making me think this way, or maybe it was the rawness of grief digging deeper into my consciousness, compelling me to face facts I'd hidden from for four years now. I'd grown accustomed to Newbie. I trusted him more than anybody. And now he was…

Jordan sat down next to me, picking up the shot glass and staring into it. "Perry," she coaxed me, trying to pry out what the problem was.

Fine. I'd tell her. "JD was shot. I watched him die."

She dropped the glass and it clanged onto the carpet. I wished it had broken, but it didn't.

"You mean Newbie? That annoying kid I slept with?" she said the words offhandedly, as if he didn't matter, but I heard the pain in her voice. She cared about him too, as much as she hated to admit it.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Oh my God…I…" she stuttered, surprising me when she came closer, wrapping her arms around me. "I'm so sorry."

Maybe she did know what he meant to me, after all.

The phone rang, interrupting us. Jack started to cry. Jordan picked up the phone and gave a shaky, "It's three in the morning, whoever the hell this is…you'd better have good reason to wake up my kid or—oh. Okay. You're sure? Holy... Thank you."

_Everyone together  
But us apart  
Because without you  
There is no us_

"You got Carla's call," I said, relieved. I fidgeted. "When you ran off…we thought…"

Dr. Cox didn't respond, just stood with me and stared into JD's room. He was stable. That was the good news. He'd be in the hospital for a week or so, but he might even be able to return to work in two weeks. The bullet had barely grazed his heart, but with emergency surgery it had been fixed.

I felt my eyes tear up again. I hadn't thought I'd physically be able to cry again after last night, but here I was, acting like a baby in front of the only guy in the hospital that was capable of making a mockery out of my every move. Great going, Elliot.

"Why did this happen?"

I felt stung. "I didn't mean for it to…" I said after a moment, my voice small.

Dr. Cox shook his head. "Not that. Just why. Why Newbie," he said to himself, musing more than asking a question. I realized it wasn't supposed to be answered. He was wondering who would do this to JD. Who would pull a trigger and try to end his life.

_Me_, I thought. But I knew that I hadn't been the criminal. I _wasn't_ the one with the gun. Whoever it was, we may never know. All we could do was hope that JD was safe now.

I found myself laughing softly. Dr. Cox looked over at me for the first time that night, watching me in my quiet hysteria.

"What? What in God's name is funny about this?"

I shook my head. "He's such an idiot. He'd fall for anything. I can't…" My face was mopped with tears. I sniffed loudly. "I can't believe he was so _stupid_." I started hiccupping. I must have been quite the sight, laughing outside of a gunshot wound victim's room with an evil doctor everyone in their right mind feared.

I braced myself for Dr. Cox's reaction. I was in trouble now.

"He is stupid," said Dr. Cox agreed, but not scathingly like he usually would. He shook his head tiredly, looking at his feet. "Scared the hell out of us, though."

I nodded. "Scared the hell out of us," I repeated numbly, looking into his room. He was sleeping; the anesthetic hadn't yet worn off. He looked so peaceful, his eyes shut and unmoving. I hadn't seen him like that in a while…not since we were together.

Because I'd put him through hell—I saw it now. I'd been so angry with him, but I was just as guilty. I'd slept with him and dropped him like a hot potato when Sean came back. We had already been even, right from the minute he dumped me, and I had just tortured him. He hadn't really been the same since, always jumpy, always pleading.

I supposed he wouldn't have to jump anymore. _I love you_, he'd said. Not just once. But twice.

And the very same words had been uttered from my own lips. Other people would fear that it was a spur of the moment, meaningless thing to say—after all, we thought he was going to die. But I knew it wasn't.

I loved him, even if he didn't love me back. I wouldn't risk losing him again.

_I'll believe in you if you'll believe in me  
We can make this work  
We can make this good  
Hopefully hopeful and everything more  
_

The next day JD woke, disoriented. His eyes darted around the room in a panicked manner for a few seconds before finally locking on me. Relief flooded his expression; I couldn't help but smile, tired as I was.

"Hey," I whispered, not sure why I was keeping so quiet. Maybe because I knew that Carla, Turk, Dr. Cox, Molly, and more than half of the hospital staff were peering into the room every five seconds to "check his status." I wanted a moment alone.

"Elliot," he said back, his voice hoarse. He smiled. "How'd I get here?"

"Well," I said somewhat playfully, "I got you shot, and…" My eyes welled with tears. I wasn't sure if I was ready to joke about this yet.

JD laughed softly, cringing from pain. "Assassins," he muttered. And in that single word, the silliness still evident in his weak voice, I knew I'd been forgiven. I knew that I wouldn't have to worry. And I smiled through tears of relief.

I took his hand, trying to form words. How could I tell him how I felt?

"I…I meant what I said." JD took a deep, shuddering breath.

"So did I," I said hesitantly, but with all the truth in the world.

A few seconds passed. "I love you," we both blurted out at the same time. Then we laughed. Everything was going to be okay. JD was alive and we would get our second—er, third—fourth?—chance.

I knew we were ready this time, though. I had no fear.

"Aw, look, a lovefest. Could you wrap it up, Newbie? Other patients need the beds, though I know you just might want to stay longer because—gee golly, the mattresses just don't feel the same in the prostitution home..."

JD grinned. "Dr. Cox."

"The one and only," he said pompously, sitting down. "Now, I'm here to make you two solemnly swear to never, ever, EVER show your lesbian tendencies off in this hospital one more time…"

I smiled. Things were finally back to normal.

_Without you, without you  
There's no me_

* * *

So there you go. Now kindly review and inspire me to actually, like, do my homework.


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